April 2008


Today my graduation announcements arrived in the mail. Already!

So now there I am, printed on beige paper: I am graduating, and all the details. Two o’clock on June 13th, at the ARC Pavillion. Five tickets to my name. High or highest honors? I didn’t know – so I put high honors – modest, no? Just left to be folded (directions included) and placed inside the inner envelope, then inside the outer one with a seal on the close.

All that’s left is to go take photos next week in my cap in gown and then I’ll be set.

Right?

So here is my new project (stolen from Holly- but aren’t most things stolen from somewhere else?): To write a post everyday in 100 words. It may be ‘artistic’ or complete tripe- you decide.

Today, I was again driving my car while the gas task arrow hovered below the ’empty’ line. Why do I do this? It’s stressful and I worry that my car is going to die at any moment. And yet I refuse to fill up my tank, depressed because it costs way too much.

Did you notice that this too was 100 words?

The start of my last quarter at UC Davis….

I feel somewhat confused about the whole thing; some moments I can’t wait to be done and others I’m sad because I will never have another April 1st on this campus. I want the future to come but now that I know what it is going to entail I’m hesitant. Grad school doesn’t worry me, but there is this thing sticking me in the back of my mind, and I can’t tell what it is.

The truth is, I know that I need a change in my life. It’s like moving out of your parent’s house; it just isn’t home anymore. And yet, UCD is my home; it’s the one place where I feel completely at ease and in place. Will I find this feeling somewhere else?

I usually believe that everything happens for a reason. Since my grad school was basically chosen for me rather than me chosing it, I hold onto the thought that some other force is leading me there. I hope so. It also led me away from living with my dad at UC Irvine because he is also going back to school, for a reason I’m not quite sure of. A hobby maybe?

Now that I’ve been ‘freed’ from getting my Ph.d right away (I’m in a master’s program) there are all these other possibilites I can see. Ph.ds become professors, but I could do anything. I could work in publishing or go back to an old idea to go to law school – not that I want to become a lawyer but maybe to work in policy. It would be amazing to work in say, London or at a US embassy in Europe.

Someday….

I want a house in Wales or part of the UK. With goats- ok maybe just one goat. Some cute house on the coast where it’s foggy and cold but also beautiful. But for now I’ll settle for a little house a couple miles from grad school.

This house actually exists. And it’s so quite there at night compared to the city that my ears buzz from the lack of ambient noise. Hopefully they will stop buzzing after awhile…