This morning, I woke up feeling old. Why, you ask? Because last night was the airing of the highly-anticipated, or should I say highly-marketed, MTV movie awards.

Sigh. I am beginning to feel that I am not their target audience. [Insert sigh of relief]

Honestly, the only reason I was watching was to see the New Moon preview (I know, I judge me too) which I really could have just seen online the next day. And I had to put up with a constant sense of inner-embarrassment while watching – the same feeling I got when Katherine Heigl started singing in 27 Dresses. But then I would have missed Sacha Baron Cohen flashing his lady parts in Eminem’s face.  And let’s just set the record straight – of course the stunt was planned and Eminem’s “storming off” was expected, even though they deny it. He was miked! And it’s not like they mike everyone in the audience, because frankly, we don’t need to hear the incoherent ramblings of front-row Paris Hilton.

They really should of titled the show ‘This is not the Oscars’ because, honestly, no decent movie stood a chance against Twilight and its twitter-enabled posse.  And I think the actors knew how ridiculous it all was – well, I hope they did. One blogger’s comment that Robert Pattison and Kristin Stewart were stoned out of their minds was probably the funniest thing to see – honestly even if it’s not true it still cracks me up.

And even though the show was obviously aimed at the hormone-crowd, the jokes were surprisingly dirty. And don’t get me wrong, I love a good sexual joke now and then, but they were just….cheap. And isn’t the d*ck in a box joke ages old?

Come on people.

Maybe if those screaming girls picked up a book other that Twilight now and then…Stephanie Meyers’ writing is like a hostess cupcake; you might crave it and it has an occasional place in your diet, but if it was all you ever ate, you’d die.

I will, however, say that Jim Carry was quite funny. Which just shows that certain people can still shine while surrounded by low-brow teenage entertainment.

Ok, done ranting.

Wait! One more thing, the CGI wolf was a little too…fluffy.

But on a more ‘artsy’ note, the movie itself looked better; better color, costumes, etc. The makeup actually looks professional. And whoever is working on the film must have realized that a foggy cold forest doesn’t have to be entirely gray. Thank you!


P.S. I want this cake.