Happy April 1st, everyone! As per the relative randomness popping up on the internet, I’m officially declaring it Monty Python Day. Please enjoy the random-intelligent-nonsense that is the Life of Brian.

(If my Latin class was like this, I might have memorized my declensions earlier…)

 

Centurion:
What’s this thing? "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS"? "People called Romans they go the house?"
Brian:
It… it says "Romans go home".
Centurion:
No it doesn’t. What’s Latin for "Roman"?

Brian hesitates

Centurion:
Come on, come on!
Brian:
(uncertain) "ROMANUS".
Centurion:
Goes like?
Brian:
"-ANUS".
Centurion:
Vocative plural of "-ANUS" is?
Brian:
"-ANI".
Centurion:
(takes paintbrush from Brian and paints over) "RO-MA-NI". "EUNT"? What is "EUNT"?
Brian:
"Go".
Centurion:
Conjugate the verb "to go"!
Brian:
"IRE"; "EO", "IS", "IT", "IMUS", "ITIS", "EUNT".
Centurion:
So "EUNT" is …?
Brian:
Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
Centurion:
But "Romans, go home!" is an order, so you must use the …?

He lifts Brian by his short hairs

Brian:
The … imperative.
Centurion:
Which is?
Brian:
Um, oh, oh, "I", "I"!
Centurion:
How many Romans? (pulls harder)
Brian:
Plural, plural! "ITE".

Centurion strikes over "EUNT" and paints "ITE" on the wall

Centurion:
"I-TE". "DOMUS"? Nominative? "Go home", this is motion towards, isn’t it, boy?
Brian:
(very anxious) Dative?

Centurion draws his sword and holds it to Brian’s throat

Brian:
Ahh! No, ablative, ablative, sir. No, the, accusative, accusative, ah, DOMUM, sir.
Centurion:
Except that "DOMUS" takes the …?
Brian:
… the locative, sir!
Centurion:
Which is?
Brian:
"DOMUM".
Centurion:
(satisfied) "DOMUM"…

He strikes out "DOMUS" and writes "DOMUM"

Centurion:
…"-MUM". Understand?
Brian:
Yes sir.
Centurion:
Now write it down a hundred times.
Brian:
Yes sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar, sir.
Centurion:
(saluting) Hail Caesar. If it’s not done by sunrise, I’ll cut your balls off.
Brian:
(very relieved) Oh thank you sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar and everything, sir!
***

Now for [something completely different!] those of you who are not of a “delicate” constitution:

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