There is a curious juggling going on in my head right now, between whether I should continue on after my MA to get a Ph.D, or not. And it’s beginning to become clear that the real division here is between an almost purely intellectual pursuit, and you know, making money. I think.

Intellectualism isn’t the same as it used to be, it seems. Or maybe it is, and it’s only that the values of the surrounding societies and culture have changed. To me, continuing in school seems almost selfish, which is odd considering that career path is generally regarded as less-selfish in the eyes of others – after all, becoming a professor requires a certain commitment to others, perhaps more than being, say, an engineer. But to keep going, and to put off getting a “real job” will certainly require me to put my desires ahead of those of some others. It could mean moving away, not paying off debt, acquiring more debt, and not beginning my career for several more years.


For example, I already have a considerable amount of student loans at this point, while my boyfriend has little to none. This of course means that if we got married, he would be responsible for that debt, in part, and it would certainly restrict some things in the future, financially. They don’t bother me because I know that my education is worth it, but he’s the type of person who gets nervous about debt. And I know that regular non-school work could be years away, so there is nothing I can do about it now.

And it’s not to say that I couldn’t be happy doing a different job that doesn’t require a Ph.d, but the question, I think, is whether I could be happy in a job that doesn’t have the same academic, intellectual mood. But there’s always been a part of me that has wanted to have money; that sounds a bit awful, but I’d like to be financially secure, in other words, not the traveling scholar who carries all his belongings on his back. The stereotype of always being wrapped up in academia appeals to me, the stereotype of eating beans out of a can does not. But maybe both stereotypes are nothing but that; fallacies. alice,in,wonderland,films,alice,film-daaf98f939d869dcce68ef60e83a09fe_h

One wonders: in our modern world, is there still a way to pursue scholarly desires, and still pay the rent? Where is the happy medium?