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Prepare for some schadenfreude.

Do you often feel that life’s annoyances come at you like holidays, grouped together in an intensive manner to cause the greatest distress?

If you don’t, maybe I need to come live with you.

So let me paint you a picture:

My cat has fleas.

She lives indoors.

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

Sigh.

As I proceeded to purchase $52 of flea spray and shampoo, it occurred to me that if raising children is anything like raising cats, I may not be cut out for it.

And as I vacuumed every surface in the house, using attachments to get in every corner, I gathered the rugs and pillows to take to the washing machine.

And as I put a load of rugs into said machine, it died.

Unexpectedly.

Mysteriously.

Tragically.

Apparently even though you can wash small rugs in a machine for 3 years, it can suddenly decide it likes you no longer, and will quit like a stripper dancing for a guy who forgot his wallet.

And to add insult to injury, I don’t even own the machine, so now Grandma calls out a repairman. I ask my dad if I should pay for the $150-ish repair and he replies that it’s ok, she thinks I’m broke anyway.

Well that’s nice.

So now I have a pile of wet rugs, about 5 loads of unwashed laundry that will very likely have to be taken to the Laundromat, and a slightly bruised ego.

And tonight I get to – wait for it – give the cat a bath.

Did I also mention my thesis revisions are due in three days?

Admit it: so you wish you were me right now.

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This morning, I woke up feeling old. Why, you ask? Because last night was the airing of the highly-anticipated, or should I say highly-marketed, MTV movie awards.

Sigh. I am beginning to feel that I am not their target audience. [Insert sigh of relief]

Honestly, the only reason I was watching was to see the New Moon preview (I know, I judge me too) which I really could have just seen online the next day. And I had to put up with a constant sense of inner-embarrassment while watching – the same feeling I got when Katherine Heigl started singing in 27 Dresses. But then I would have missed Sacha Baron Cohen flashing his lady parts in Eminem’s face.  And let’s just set the record straight – of course the stunt was planned and Eminem’s “storming off” was expected, even though they deny it. He was miked! And it’s not like they mike everyone in the audience, because frankly, we don’t need to hear the incoherent ramblings of front-row Paris Hilton.

They really should of titled the show ‘This is not the Oscars’ because, honestly, no decent movie stood a chance against Twilight and its twitter-enabled posse.  And I think the actors knew how ridiculous it all was – well, I hope they did. One blogger’s comment that Robert Pattison and Kristin Stewart were stoned out of their minds was probably the funniest thing to see – honestly even if it’s not true it still cracks me up.

And even though the show was obviously aimed at the hormone-crowd, the jokes were surprisingly dirty. And don’t get me wrong, I love a good sexual joke now and then, but they were just….cheap. And isn’t the d*ck in a box joke ages old?

Come on people.

Maybe if those screaming girls picked up a book other that Twilight now and then…Stephanie Meyers’ writing is like a hostess cupcake; you might crave it and it has an occasional place in your diet, but if it was all you ever ate, you’d die.

I will, however, say that Jim Carry was quite funny. Which just shows that certain people can still shine while surrounded by low-brow teenage entertainment.

Ok, done ranting.

Wait! One more thing, the CGI wolf was a little too…fluffy.

But on a more ‘artsy’ note, the movie itself looked better; better color, costumes, etc. The makeup actually looks professional. And whoever is working on the film must have realized that a foggy cold forest doesn’t have to be entirely gray. Thank you!

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P.S. I want this cake.

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On a less thoughtful related note – I think there is a skunk outside my window. Eck.