I’m in summer limbo.

I don’t have to start work until next week, and yet I can’t really go outside and do summery things, due to the pollen circulating through the air. And who shall I blame for this? Well, I could blame the SSU student health plan, which has terrible prescription coverage. Or I could blame Allegra for never going generic and trying to rip people off at the pharmacy. Or I could blame Claritin for not being ineffectual in general. Jury’s still out.

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Therefore, there are a few options left for me to do today;

1. Shopping – generally this is a good distraction for me, but since I have bills looming over my head and spent mucho dinero on fruit at Costco yesterday (and I did not buy a hot dog, congratulate me!) I really shouldn’t. Though I do want to buy another copy of The Deathly Hallows since I lent it to my mom months ago and she let it get exposed to some sort of dampness.

2. Library – hmm, I do need books, having just finished Helen of Troy, which I do highly recommend. However, there is the small matter of owing fees to the local library, of how much I do not know, therefore going to the library could cost me more than shopping. Potentially.

3. The gym – sigh.

4. The couch – my present location, watching What Not to Wear, wondering why my life is dull, yet relishing in the dullness. Another sigh.

5. Make low-calorie carrot cake – very temping, and tasty option. Curious? Here’s the recipe. Yet I have no ingredients to make them, therefore a trip to the store would be needed, and there’s that money thing again. Dang. Plus I’m not sure if running the oven on a hot day in a house with no air conditioning is a smart thing…

6. Swimming – ok, not really an option, but I wish.

Ok, so for the next half hour or so, I think I’ll be doing #4, and then showering.

You are so jealous of my life right now. Admit it.

tbrn119l

 

 

As ‘they’ say, there’s a calm before the storm, but what about after? When all the excitement or destruction has moved on and the dust has settled, what’s left? I don’t think it could be called calm….and if it did, well I guess we’d better expect another storm.

Whoever said that things will inevitably return to normal was also a little…off. Because once things have gone through so many changes, who the heck knows what this normal is or how to recognize it, and of course the previous normal isn’t normal anymore at all! If I move to another house, but have the same furniture and wear the same clothes and put my morning coffee in the same mug, does that mean I’m back to normal? Even if all my things are arranged in different ways and I drink my coffee at a different time because I no longer have to wake up at the same time? And when does normal start? When boredom sets in?

The sticky is, once we get through the changes and start to get bored of them, we look around and wish things would be ‘exciting’ – we want a life that thrills us, but without all the anxiety and strife that comes from the rush. Another rub comes from the fact that no one can really tell you what your normal will turn out to be – in fact, this is one area where cliche is often right, take the “one man’s trash is another’s treasure” or “the grass is always greener on the other side” for example. But all society seems to tell is that our concerns aren’t really our own – they belong to our angsty greater social consciousness. Therefore any solutions that get thrown at us aren’t exactly tailored to any specific needs, so they usually fail.

It remains that the majority of real help we get comes from within us, and not from some giant psycological library. Most ‘breakthroughs’ in therapy are achived when the patient is able to use a part of their own mind to illuminate another area. Certainly someone is needed to show the patient the way in, but the real work is not done by the therapist (sorry Freud). Maybe that’s why we get so lonely these days, we get stuck in our own minds when everything around us is screaming “come outside and listen to what we have to say!!”

So here I am, sitting, looking around and wondering if this is what my life is, now. Which isn’t a bad thing. And another thought: having a very adorable and furry kitten sit on your lap and purr is very reassuring. Plus, since she keeps trying to sit on my laptop, I think I must stop writing now.

Maybe it’s a good idea if the other shoe never drops.

Dang.

When you have been busy for so long and then you suddenly aren’t….what to do? Here I am, in a different city, with no acquaintances save for family, and a little useless. Of course, there are things I COULD do, like move empty boxes into storage, or clean the kitchen floor. All things which have the same sort of effectiveness against boredom as phrases your mom told you when you wouldn’t eat – I’m sorry but starving people in China never persuaded any 5-year-old.

Even 200 channels on Tv can’t hold my attention for long, and thus I find myself going back to the keys, typing…

Sooner or later I’m going to have to start writing something worthwhile, right?

Stay tuned.