[Start playing your hee-haw music]

Turkeys live on my street. And around my street. And on the next street over – and let me tell you,  the dang things have not figured out that if a car is approaching, they should run off the street, not into it. I digress.

[Cue end of hee-haw, begin playing theme from unsolved mysteries]

But there is a mysterious aura surrounding these turkeys.

Why, you ask?

Every year around the summer they appear, and get larger/fatter accordingly. And then, around the end of every November, they disappear. Surreptitiously.

There are several possibilities here:

1. (Being the most biological reason) They migrate. Because it’s cold. And they only have feathers, unlike their neighbors the woolly sheep. (Do turkey’s even migrate? They’re not very aerodynamic.)

And you thought going home for Thanksgiving was hard...

2. They disappear into the bushes for all of winter. Again, it’s cold. (But the chickens seem to handle it ok…)

3. They hide from me. Seeing how many times I’ve very nearly hit them with my car, I don’t blame them.

Really, dude?

4. [The final and most morbid of all the possibilities] We eat them. Thanksgiving + chubby “free range” turkeys has very few outcomes, most of which don’t really end well for said turkeys. But would you want to eat turkeys that ran around all day? Would they be gamy? And I’ve seen some turkeys that are huge; these, not so much.And I like the idea that they aren’t all, you know, stuffed.

It’s a mystery.

Suggestions?

In other news,  instead of making a complete Thanksgiving dinner a la last year, I will this year be making: pies. Gluten and dairy-free pie recipes to be posted soon, featuring pumpkin pie and healthy(er) pecan pie! (I’m also thinking of making mini mandarin orange curd tarts. We’ll see.)

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Today, my mom decided to give me a folder full of a bunch of stuff I did when I was little – drawings, certificates, etc – and I simply had to share.

So here I present a lovely project entitled “My Bulb Observations.”

Apparently I was supposed to get  daffodil bulb and….watch it. Which seems simple enough, right? And I’m leaving the bad spelling, because it’s just too funny.

A poem:

A little yellow cup

A little yellow frill

A little yellow star

and that’s a daffodil.

Day 1 of ‘observations:’ I brought my daffodil bulb from the nursery. My bulbs water sun and soil to grow. I will put my pot on the porch.

Middle: My bulb has not grown yet. It is still under the dirt.

April 1st: My bulb got lost I dont now wer it is and I now that my bulb did died.

Ok, is this not THE worst project ever? I planted the bulb, somewhere, and then I LOST IT? How do you even do that? But note that although I didn’t know where the thing went, I knew that it was dead. Suspicious. Very suspicious.

So as Thanksgiving draws near, and cooking becomes a priority, I thought I would also share some ‘recipes’ that my preschool compiled in 1991.

“Unforgettable Recipes”

Eggs (Misha): You get a spachula and make them. Sometimes we go to McDonalds and it comes out really quick and we eat it.

Cake (Raymond): Stir it in a bowl. Put some sugar in it, and chocolate. Put it in the oven and bake it for 2 minutes and when it says “ding” you eat it all up. Eat cookies with it.

Fish (Zachary): Put it in the water and cook it.

Vegetables (Tommy): Boil them in hot steaming water. Put cinnamon sticks in them. Broccoli: Cook it like a carrot.

Cookies (ME!): Roll the dough up first and then you flatten it out. Then put the cookie cutter in the dough. Then put chocolate chips in ti. Then you put it in the oven. One time we made candy-cane shapes and they got so hard and you couldn’t biet it at all!

And a little stranger….

Snakes (tommy): Take out the fangs with gloves. Then you boil them. It tastes like chicken. No spices or anything.

Potato chips (Misha): You can make lots. You can make chocolate chip. Mash the potatoes and put some maple syrup in then to make it sweeter – mash and masg and mash, then take a round thing – a round ball and you throw it. And then you spray it and then take some chocolate beans in it and that’s how you make potato chips.

And there you have it. Culinary Geniuses at age 5.